Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Truth Between the Polarities

I've arrived here today because it feels right, I feel like I need to write, what better place than here?  Today I'm taking a big bite and trusting that I can chew it. This week I had a realisation/awareness come upon me. I became conscious of a polarity I entertain when it comes to my 'work'; work doesn't sit comfortably as a description, perhaps it would be more accurate to call it my vocation.

Vocation: a strong impulse or inclination to follow a particular activity or career.

The word vocation originated in the 1400s and meant a call or summons, it can be used in terms of a religious or spiritual calling too.

I have a degree in Social Work and this is the work that has allowed me to put food on the table and pay my bills, it is a currency of work that the society I live in understands and accepts. There is a degree you can complete to be qualified and mainstream employers such as hospitals and schools accept it as valid. Social Work is a profession recognised by the government as professional and legitimate, therefore when people pay me to help them as a Social Worker, they are eligible for a rebate from the government. Likewise, when I work for an organisation the people who come to see me usually receive the service for free, because the Government funds it.

On the other hand, part of my vocation makes me little to no money. I am also called to write, to share my story and knowledge with others, to assist them to brighten their own inner light as well as to offer support and guidance to individuals when they reach out to me. I feel called to practice a form of hands on healing called Reiki, which I currently do very little of. It could make some money, but not likely the kind that pays bills AND feeds me and it's not as stable as the wages I receive for Social Work. You can be assured the Government would not support me to provide a free hands on healing service to people in need.

So here's the thing, the polarity I've just become aware of, an inner voice (my mind?) tells me that there's not enough people in Social Work, more needs to be done and it is really important that I give it my all, because that's what the world requires of me, my all being given to doing the best I can within our government structures, to help people who are really needy, who couldn't afford the service if it weren't for the Government funding. Hearing this I feel stressed, pressured and disappointed (this means there's room for growth).

On the other hand, when it comes to my writing, Reiki and providing support and guidance to those who reach out to me through my blog or in person, this same voice tells me that not only can I not make any real living out of this, but that the world does not need this from me. It tells me, that the world is already full enough of wonderful healers, life coaches, metaphysicians etc. It tells me that there is plenty available and I have nothing new to offer. Listening to this is disappointing, disheartening, crushing.

Isn't it interesting that this polarity exists in relation to my vocation, I wonder what the truth of it all is, what I have to learn here. A friend has shared her similar story with me, and from that I understood that in this polarity is an excellent question. It asks me, if I am to do what I feel called to do, how can I ensure I do it in a way that is not the same as anyone else, that feels true to me and who I am and will therefore offer something that does not yet exist? I'm sitting with this, I don't feel like I need answers just yet. I am simply relieved to have finally heard the question!

What about you, can you think of any polarities you might be entertaining? Is there a valuable hidden question disguised as disappointment, stress or low self-confidence? I'd be interested to hear.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My addiction

Coffee, it's the devil, I suspect. It's fair to say I've been getting to know the devil intimately in recent months, the more I have, the more I want. They call that an addiction, I hate that word, I like to think I'm above it, that my willlpower is so superior that the word does not exist in my world.

I am not above addiction. I am addicted to coffee, again, *sigh*. Last time I gave up coffee I did it so half heartedly that I can't recall whether it was 2 or 3 days I 'gave up' for. While I had a thyroid condition I didn't dare drink coffee, I was already jittery and overstimulated enough, so I didn't really drink the stuff for 10 months or so. I survived without coffee easily. I had bigger issues, I was drinking herbal concoctions and freshly squeezed juices and swallowing more pills than you can count on your hands in a desperate attempt to 'win back' my health. I decided I would treat my body real nice and in return it might forgive me for my sins and health would be free to enter back into my life. This was before I knew that the true cause of my illness was actually iodine poisoning, that put a different spin on things. I then became detox focussed & decided it was also a matter of 'waiting it out' until my body found it's own balance.

Fast forward many months and I was feeling better but not great, not yet able to work but not content to lie on the couch all day either. What could I do with my time? Going out for a really good coffee and perhaps a read of the paper or some cafe style blogging became a new past time, I loved it. I wasn't doing it every day but probably every second or third. I would have just the one coffee, a treat.

Fast forward another couple of months and I'm bored and feeling worthless, disturbed by not feeling that I was making a contribution to society (a value of mine). Depression was a knockin' on my door. The answer? I got myself a job, which created an issue for me as fatigue became an uncomfortable part of my day.  I felt myself a little bored and quite tired, I started to reach for the coffee, just one a day with a couple of black teas to supplement. I also sought out a little bit of sugar, just a little bit. Things were changing, vege juice drinking and a sugar free life were taking a step back while sugar and coffee stepped forward. 'We can make you feel better instantly' my old mates caffeine and sugar said. 'Don't we make your work day so much more bearable?' they asked, inviting me to trust them, to make them my new allies. What's the harm, I told myself, it's just a little bit...and 'everyone does it'.

Oh the naivety, or the willingness turn a blind eye, it is dangerous. Fast forward 3 months and here I sit, in bed, taking the day off, after crashing out big time on a coffee and sugar binge. On Sunday I enjoyed a couple of glasses of bubbly, some yummy coffee and a piece of cake and some chocolate- it was a party and I knew my time was soon up in terms of eating sugar and drinking coffee, so I made the most of it. Little did I know that the end of my shenanigans was near, in fact, TOMORROW. After my 'party girl' antics on Sunday I woke up on Monday, not having had enough sleep, my body already set up to fail, in terms of my adrenal glands being overworked and my blood sugar levels compromised.

I felt tired driving to work, once at work I continued to feel tired, I sat in a meeting and noticed anxiety coming up, it felt like my blood sugars were dropping (so early in the morning??).  I went to lunch at 1 where I ordered a protein packed lunch, which came rather slowly, I enjoyed a coffee as I waited. I still felt so tired, lunch came, I ate and looked at the cakes cabinet, which one might I have? I ordered a little slice and decided I'd best have a coffee to go with it, it wouldn't hurt because I was so tired (delusional thinking).

Upon finishing my lunch and coffees and sugar I felt weak, I was still so tired, I felt anxious and foggy headed. I just needed to go home, so I did. The rest of the afternoon was awful, I felt so sick and so tired and anxious at times, it was a rollercoaster of adrenaline and peaks and valleys in my blood sugar levels. I tried to keep snacking on healthful foods to rid of the symptoms. I recognised what had happened, I had been 'using' these drugs, sugar and caffeine for months now, they'd become an increasingly regular part of my life and they were draining me of my energy as they dropped me lower and lower than before. The sugar was taking essential minerals from my body in order to become whole so as it could be digested in my body. It was messing with my pancreas and who knows what else, it was affecting my mood greatly- sugar blues, yeah. The coffee had been creating a false sense of energy, using up more and more of my reserves, overworking my adrenals and leaving me emptier than before with every cup. I KNOW all of this and the dangers associated with these 'drugs', I have experienced it before, my body is sensitive. Why on earth do I get sucked in?

Today it stops, today I rest in bed, allowing my reserves to re-build, I am committed to finding new ways to support my own energy and to find joy in places other than coffee and cake. Wish me strength....

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The 11:11 Phenomena

Have you heard of or experienced the 11:11 phenonema? There are many people who see the numbers 11:11 regularly, for example street numbers, hotel rooms or on their computer, mobile phone or clock; this blog is for those of you who have experienced this and want to know more!

I started seeing 11:11 a couple of years ago now, I would look at the clock and it was 11:11, or send an e-mail and the time was 11:11. The feeling I get when I see 11:11 is that everything is ok and will continue to be; it gives me the sense that there's order in the Universe, however chaotic it may seem. Seeing the numbers 11:11 almost every day, if not twice a day, would make me smile, because I knew deep inside that it was more than coincidence.

Uri Gellar writes ' ..sightings of 11:11 tend to occur during times of heightened awareness, having a most powerful effect on the people involved...There's a stirring deep inside, a hint of remembrance of something long forgotten...(It's) appearance is also a powerful confirmation that we are on the right track, aligned with our highest Truth..11:11 is an always beneficial act of Divine Intervention telling you that it is time to take a good look around you and see what is really happening (an opportunity to see beyond illusion).

I have friends on Twitter who regularly tweet 11:11 when they see it, I don't see it as regularly now and even though the moment has passed and it might be 11:13 by the time I see their tweet, it makes me smile and I enjoy the knowing that others are also experiencing this phenomena.

So when I came across an article on 11:11 recently in the Inner Self Newspaper that provided an explanation, albeit an opinion, but an interesting one at that, I knew I needed to share it with my 11:11 loving friends. So here it is in full, The 11:11 Phenomena by Uri Gellar (see page 23 for article).

Monday, August 15, 2011

Shhh, don't tell anyone.

I met up with a friend on the weekend to 'talk shop'. We talked about Inner Beam and marketing and revolutionised the way I am going to do the 'inner beam thing'. Sipping coffee and nibbling delicious boysenberry baked cheesecake in a cosy cafe on a cool Melburnian winters day was highly conducive to me enjoying numerous 'ah huh' moments. After confessing to my dear friend and marketing consultant the reasons why I'd rather keep what I currently do a secret, we were eventually able to nut out what it is I actually want.

In a nutshell, this is what I said: I do not want to be a counsellor, the connotations of  being a counsellor make me shudder and shake. Disclaimer: I do not intend to diss the counselling profession and I think counsellors can be wonderfully helpful and the good ones are worth their weight in gold.

That said, the concept of spending my 'working' hours nodding knowingly and using verbal prompts such as hmm and 'tell me more' make me want to shrivel up like a neglected indoor plant. Again, I feel the need for a disclaimer. Good counsellors don't just do the aforementioned, what they do is an artform, my issue is that as a counsellor you can spend a fair bit of time sitting passively and using verbal encouragers; it's not how I get my kicks.

When I talk with clients I like to be able to express emphatic 'woohoos' and screw up my face in disappointment when I feel it, aswelll as raising my fists excitedly in moments of victory. When you're called a 'counsellor' people really don't expect you to show alot of energy, enthusiam or emotion, they expect a level of passivity and a consistent temparement (incredibly challenging for moi, silent internalised punching fists in the air is not as fun).

So that's why I spent lots of time making sure my marketing consultant wouldn't tell anyone I am a counsellor, or anything much like it for that matter. She realised that a marketing campaign would be useless if I wanted to keep my business a secret, so cleverly assisted me to re-define what I love to do. The result was deciding that I work in the field of 'life design'. Upon coming up with that concept I felt a whole lot more comfortable and spacious.

As far as a title goes, I'm still not sure, I like life design co-conspirator (because I love to conspire with others to design a life that feels awesome). Synonyms for co-conspirator include ally, associate, assitant and accomplice. What are your thoughts? I'm most open to feedback and suggestions.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Embrace Your Inner Girl

Eve had me moved to tears, laughing, nodding knowingly and feeling so good about myself and desperately wanting to embrace my inner girl by the end of her talk. It's AMAZING. I think if you've made it to speak at TED, you have made it!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Living with Purpose

There can be times in life where we find ourselves without a sense of purpose. A life lived without purpose can be a drag, to say the very least.

Illness can appear to steal purpose from us, particularly if we're no longer able to work or participate in other meaningful activities. If you're cooped up in bed or on the couch more often than not, watching TV or surfing the net or reading books, it's easy to feel like your life has lost all sense of purpose.

Perhaps you experienced feeling lost before illness and/or a lack of vitality entered your life. On the contrary, maybe it feels as if your sense of purpose and fulfillment was stripped from you and replaced with a life of dis-ease in one fell swoop. Ka-pow, you ended up with a life that you'd never ever imagined for yourself. Perhaps, a symphony of depression, anxiety, fear, hopelessness *insert other here* arrived with the dis-ease.

What if you could get the sense of purpose back, without having to have your physical health? What if your new your sense of purpose could align with your current life, if it was available to you right here and now?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Does Your Job Work For You?

Some of us work in totally rubbish jobs; it's a blunt statement, but true.

Disclaimer: 'Rubbish' jobs are completely subjective; read on to find out if you have one.

For many of us, a rubbish job makes us feel as good as dead. Dead inside that is. Our inner beam seems more like a distant memory or lustful hope for the future in such jobs.

Definition of a rubbish job: It could be either poorly paid in a dodgy old building or well renumerated with a whole lot of perks, including a coffee machine in the staff room and air conditioning that keeps the environment at a consistent temperature. A rubbish job could mean that you're on your feet all day, or sitting on your butt. Rubbish jobs come in all shapes and sizes, their only commonalities is that can create feelings of despondency and self-pity, and usually diminished self-love. Hint: If you're experiencing these feelings at work, you might want to read on.

Some experts in the laws of attraction and other such things would suggest that it's a lack of love for oneself that finds us in such a job in the first place. Maybe, or maybe you went in all optimistic and inspired to make a difference, to enjoy the role, and somehow wound up where you are now, on the not so inspired or joyful side of things. So What Happened??

Unfortunately society and workplaces conspire against our sense of joy and freedom. Egos get in the way and start telling stories that our worth is dependant on the outcomes we can produce at work. Employment can become our egos new way to measure our self-worth, and if the environments' not conducive to feeling good, to celebrating individuality, achievement and creativity, well, ouch.

Unfortunately many workplaces are imbalanced with regards to the masculine and feminine energies. I'm not talking about the ratio of men to women, but of the balance between yin and yang, masculine and feminine that exists within all of us and within companies, organisations and communities. In the western world we've long experienced the supression and denial of the feminine and the celebration and endorsement of the masculine. When we have the two in balance, amazing things can be achieved and we experience a sense of health and vitality. When it's out of whack in our work environment, we feel the effects and can begin to feel worn down, hard done by and disappointed. As a result we can either turn our upset inwards or towards external factors- such as blaming the boss and our colleagues.

Turned inwards these feelings can lead us to experience anxiety and depression, outwards they can turn into aggression, anger or physical conditions affecting the heart (all emotions, unexpressed, can become physical and/or mental conditions).
This brings me to why rubbish jobs make for a lack of vitality and well-being. They can eat away at our positivity, joy and energy. They are like sand being sprinkled or poured onto our inner beam, continuing to dampen it over time. Work that we can enjoy, that works for us, that allows us to feel balanced, it can do the very opposite. It assists to fan our inner beam, giving rise to a great flame of passion, energy and vitality.

What kind of work are you experiencing right now? Regardless of the perks, or lack thereof or whether others like it or not, what kind of a work place is it for you? Does it full your beam or dampen it? That's your answer right there.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Returning Home

Who Am I?

How many times in a lifetime will one ask themselves 'Who Am I'? I'd love to present a statistic, but I've arrived empty handed on this one. I'm here with a bunch of questions and some musings.

There's this myth that once you know who you are, life gets easier. The myth purports that being secure in this knowingness means you will know what you want to do in life. The myth mostly goes unspoken, but seems to be somehow perpetuated. The gist of it is this: Step 1- Work out who you are. Step 2- Use this information to work out what you want to/should be doing. Step 3- You've made it and now you can coast through the rest of your life, happy.

You know I truly doubt this is true. The only people I've ever come across who will tell me they know who they are, are clearly speaking from a place of ego or superficiality. Lots of people will confuse who they are with what they do. For example, someone tells you they're a pharmacist. That's what they do to earn a crust, it's not who they are, because if they really were a pharmacist they'd be born one and die the same; it's impossible to be born a pharmacist. Consider that during their lifetime they have a career change and decide to wait tables in Paris, does it make them a Waiter? Non.

I think that people clutch to the idea that they are their profession because it's safe, it gives them a sense of belonging and place. It can also mean that for a while they get to ease off on trying to answer that pesky question of 'Who am I?'.

Chasing Happiness

 Denial has been given a bad name, it's actually a valid and handy tool our mind uses to protect us from overwhelm or pain.

Take a moment to listen to Illy's 'It can wait'...

While denial might have unkind connotations it certainly serves it's purposes. It's one of the ways our mind can hide uncomfortable truths from us, it buys us time 'til we're ready to face the 'issue'. Illy's song reminds me of how we can choose denial, avoidance, procrastination, blame etc in the pursuit of moments of fleeting happiness. A boozey Saturday night is another way that we can do all of the aforementioned and escape into fleeting moments of happiness. We drink up/smoke/pop pills in the hope of experiencing the bliss that comes from blocking out the reality of our daily lives. The euphoric feelings come from not only the drugs, but from allowing ourselves the freedom to let loose and have a good time.

Body Balance

Today is the day for Body Love, we are looking at the balance of your body's Ph a.k.a it's alkalinity or acidity. You may know all about this, or like me up until recently, you may know zilch.
Alkalising is a truly important topic, whilst on Inner Beam you will mostly find talk about emotional, mental and lifestyle balance, it is essential that we pay attention to the physical aspect in order to be the brightest we can be.

What does Ph mean?
Ph often refers to water, if you've ever had a backyard pool you would know that someone has to keep an eye on the Ph levels. I remember those hot summer days waiting with anticipation as Mum tested the pools Ph before advising us that it was safe or that we'd have to wait a while until she had fixed it. If the Ph is too high or low then the water is unsafe, a similar concept applies to our bodies.
Our bodies are made up mostly of water, so the analogy of a pool being like our body isn't too far fetched. When the water in the pool is greenish blue and slimey it is completely unsafe to get in; the Ph is out of wack and who knows what kind of organisms are growing in there. When the pool is crystal clear all we want to do is get in there, it is a healthy pool and it looks safe.
The same applies to our bodies, we too can have internal environments that are lovely and clear and functioning healthily, or that are an environment where bacteria and all sorts of things can grow. Here's a thought, if you had super x-ray vision and could see inside your body, in particular your digestive system- which kind of swimming pool would you like it to represent?

Why do Ph levels in my body matter?
Imagine for a moment that your body is like a pool of algae and slimy green, the pool's filter just would not cope. Our body's main filters are the kidneys and liver, do you want them to have an easy task of simply filtering the odd bug and a little sunscreen or do you want them to be dealing with non stop green slime? Do you want your digestive organs providing a home for all sorts of nasties to procreate or do you want it to be functional and an environment for good helpful bacteria?
If after all this pool and algae talk you are still tuned might like to find out more by reading my post 'Alkalising my Body'. You will discover how to test your own Ph and strike the alkalised balance yourself!
Please note that this article is based upon my own research and personal experience, I do not claim to be an expert in the field. If you have further questions or concerns I recommend you seek advice from a health care professional such as a dietician, naturopath or your doctor.

Wheat is No Friend of Mine

Image from


The chances are that you or someone you know has discovered that they are 'intolerant' to wheat. In alot of ways I dislike the term intolerant. I am 'intolerant' to wheat, dairy and sugar. To others this could make me sound fussy, overly sensitive or a hyperchondriac. I've had such thoughts about myself too, I have wondered 'what's wrong with me?'.

If you've experienced similar worries I am here to reassure you that it's not us, it is the *insert refined food here*. Our bodies are intolerant to such foods because they have been messed with in labs, on farms and in big factories. They are no longer recognisable from their original form.

According to Foodintol there are alot of people experience food intolerance, here are the statistics they provide:

Dairy Intolerance (includes Lactose intolerance) 3 in 4 people

Yeast sensitivity (eg. Candida infections) 1 in 3 people

Gluten sensitivity (inc. Celiac and Wheat intolerance) 1 in 7 people

Fructose or Sugar sensitivity 1 in 3 people

Food allergy 1 in 100 people

How do I know if wheat is bad for me?

Chances are that wheat is not good for you, because it is super refined. White flour is actually bleached (yes the main ingredients of your toast, cereal, muffins etc. have been bleached- yuck!). Unless it's an organic product it's also a safe bet that alot of nasty chemicals have been used to fertilise the wheat and to keep bugs away from it on the farm, that does not make for a good start in life for an edible plant.

To be more specific, symptoms of wheat intolerance include: lethargy (particularly after consumption) bloating, nausea, stomach aches...and the list goes on. For a more comprehensive list I recommend doing some research online. For further information you can talk with your General Practitioner or visit a Naturopath.

If wheat is an ancient grain, why was the wheat we eat today developed in the 1960s?

If you thought wheat was an ancient grain, you are not alone. The truth is that it was adapted from other grains in the 1960s for ease of farming. One such grain used in the development of common wheat is Spelt, which is indeed and ancient grain and dates back to BC.

To suit modern day farming practices the new 'wheat' was developed to be resistant to heavy use of chemical fertilisers. It was also dwarfed so as the entire crop grew to the right length to allow for ease of harvesting.

When you consider that the kind of 'wheat' humans ate pre 1960 was different to what we have now and it was changed so as chemicals could be used with ease in crops, it starts to make sense why so many of us just can't 'tolerate' it. We are the first generations who have been eating this kind of wheat for all of our lives or atleast a great portion.

What is the future of wheat?

Call me crazy, but it is my hypothesis that this trend of genetically modified food (aka plants that have been messed with) will have to be reversed, because more and more people will be waking up to the detrimental effects this 'new' chemical resistant wheat and other such refined foods are having on our health. Increasing health issues will occur among the population, particularly those who remain clueless about the impact refined foods have on their bodies. Eventually the cost of 'lifestyle' related illnesses will escalate to a point where mainstream science and health care practitioners will be forced to wake up and realise what has gone wrong. The Government will freak out over costs and will take measures to clean up our supermarkets and the poisions we are currently being allowed and encouraged to consume. The result being that we will need to get back to basics and eat food in its original form, the kinds that our bodies not only tolerate but draw nutrition from.

If I don't eat wheat, what will I eat?

Disclaimer: This article includes some research and lots of opinion, please look into the topics discussed for your self and make up your own mind. If you are concerned about symptoms then speak with a holistic health care practitioner who can help you to return to good health.




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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Perils of Too Much Sound Advice

Listening to others too much can be dangerous, it opens us up to great confusion and overwhelm. Interestingly we most often find ourselves seeking answers outside of ourselves in difficult times. We look to others in the hope that they will know ’better’ than we do. There are lots of people, web-sites and television shows out there that make their money because they appear confident, because they seem ‘to have it together’.

Have you considered that their secret is not that they know it all, rather that it is in their confident approach?

Many outwardly confident people experience just as much confusion and self doubt as the rest of us, they simply choose to put on a mask for the world, and we are fooled. We only need to turn our gaze to hollywood to see the masks of beauty, confidence and elitist glamour. However there is a whole market kept alive by telling both sides of the story and revealing the shadows that hide beneath those masks (think LiLo, Brittney). Not so long ago Teri Hatcher took photos of herself sans make-up, she took off her mask. This decision caused widespread publicity and she soon found herself sitting opposite Oprah discussing the topic of reality versus the images we see are bombarded with in the media. The fact that Teri’s move caused so much noise and landed her on Oprah shows us where we are as a society right now. It would seem that we have only just begun to recognise the importance of revealing what exists behind the masks.