Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Truth Between the Polarities

I've arrived here today because it feels right, I feel like I need to write, what better place than here?  Today I'm taking a big bite and trusting that I can chew it. This week I had a realisation/awareness come upon me. I became conscious of a polarity I entertain when it comes to my 'work'; work doesn't sit comfortably as a description, perhaps it would be more accurate to call it my vocation.

Vocation: a strong impulse or inclination to follow a particular activity or career.

The word vocation originated in the 1400s and meant a call or summons, it can be used in terms of a religious or spiritual calling too.

I have a degree in Social Work and this is the work that has allowed me to put food on the table and pay my bills, it is a currency of work that the society I live in understands and accepts. There is a degree you can complete to be qualified and mainstream employers such as hospitals and schools accept it as valid. Social Work is a profession recognised by the government as professional and legitimate, therefore when people pay me to help them as a Social Worker, they are eligible for a rebate from the government. Likewise, when I work for an organisation the people who come to see me usually receive the service for free, because the Government funds it.

On the other hand, part of my vocation makes me little to no money. I am also called to write, to share my story and knowledge with others, to assist them to brighten their own inner light as well as to offer support and guidance to individuals when they reach out to me. I feel called to practice a form of hands on healing called Reiki, which I currently do very little of. It could make some money, but not likely the kind that pays bills AND feeds me and it's not as stable as the wages I receive for Social Work. You can be assured the Government would not support me to provide a free hands on healing service to people in need.

So here's the thing, the polarity I've just become aware of, an inner voice (my mind?) tells me that there's not enough people in Social Work, more needs to be done and it is really important that I give it my all, because that's what the world requires of me, my all being given to doing the best I can within our government structures, to help people who are really needy, who couldn't afford the service if it weren't for the Government funding. Hearing this I feel stressed, pressured and disappointed (this means there's room for growth).

On the other hand, when it comes to my writing, Reiki and providing support and guidance to those who reach out to me through my blog or in person, this same voice tells me that not only can I not make any real living out of this, but that the world does not need this from me. It tells me, that the world is already full enough of wonderful healers, life coaches, metaphysicians etc. It tells me that there is plenty available and I have nothing new to offer. Listening to this is disappointing, disheartening, crushing.

Isn't it interesting that this polarity exists in relation to my vocation, I wonder what the truth of it all is, what I have to learn here. A friend has shared her similar story with me, and from that I understood that in this polarity is an excellent question. It asks me, if I am to do what I feel called to do, how can I ensure I do it in a way that is not the same as anyone else, that feels true to me and who I am and will therefore offer something that does not yet exist? I'm sitting with this, I don't feel like I need answers just yet. I am simply relieved to have finally heard the question!

What about you, can you think of any polarities you might be entertaining? Is there a valuable hidden question disguised as disappointment, stress or low self-confidence? I'd be interested to hear.